The Twelve Days Of A NASCAR Christmas
12/20/2013
PattyKay Lilley
I bid you welcome gentle readers, and feel perhaps I should
apologize up front for what follows… but I won’t. It’s almost Christmas and
this is a takeoff on an old and oft-sung Christmas carol, "The Twelve Days
of Christmas"... with a twist. These twelve days, and the accompanying
twelve gifts come not from "my true love", but from NASCAR, and yes,
Virginia, there is a difference.
Please understand that though some consider me to be a fair-to-middling
journalist and scripter of pretty words, when it came to studying and learning
about such things as iambs, feet, metric anything, pentameters, and whatever
came later, I took the day off. Poetry is not and never was my forte, and
Heaven knows, that coffee-house stuff that doesn't even rhyme is not poetry...
just words, usually unrelated. With those ground rules established, here then
is my Christmas poem for NASCAR fans...
The Twelve Days of a
NASCAR Christmas
On the first day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
A Sprint Cup silver trophy!
On the second day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Two road courses… and a Sprint Cup silver trophy!
On the third day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Three short tracks, two road courses, and a Sprint Cup silver
trophy!
On the fourth day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Four flat-mile races, three short tracks, two road courses, and
a Sprint Cup silver trophy!
On the fifth day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Five checkered flags…
Four flat-mile races, three short tracks, two road courses and a
Sprint Cup silver trophy!
We
pause now for a word from our sponsor... well, not really, but I want all the
NASCAR fans reading this to feel right at home and not miss their commercials,
so please enjoy Jeff Foxworthy as he presents The 12 Days of Redneck Christmas:
And
now back to our regular column, already in progress...
On the sixth day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Six penalties…
Five checkered flags…
Four flat-mile races, three short tracks, two road courses and a
Sprint Cup silver trophy!
On the seventh day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Seven second places, six penalties…
Five checkered flags…
Four flat-mile races, three short tracks, two road courses and a
Sprint Cup silver trophy!
On the eighth day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Eight cookie-cutters, seven second places, six penalties…
Five checkered flags…
Four flat-mile races, three short tracks, two road courses and a
Sprint Cup silver trophy!
On the ninth day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me
Nine engines roaring, eight cookie-cutters, seven second places,
six penalties…
Five checkered flags…
Four flat-mile races, three short tracks, two road courses and a
Sprint Cup silver trophy!
On the tenth day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Ten pit crews leaping, nine engines roaring, eight
cookie-cutters, seven second places, six penalties…
Five checkered flags…
Four flat-mile races, three short tracks, two road courses and a
Sprint Cup silver trophy!
We
pause once again for one final commercial before the end of the song, just like
a real NASCAR race, when the TV fades to commercial with five laps to go. This
one comes from Bill Engvall and would you just look
at that! He's sent me a "Stupid sign" with a note that says,
"Merry Christmas Stupid." Aww... Thanks
Bill!
On the eleventh day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Eleven brakes a glowing, ten pit crews leaping, nine engines roaring,
eight cookie-cutters, seven second places, six penalties…
Five checkered flags…
Four flat-mile races, three short tracks, two road courses and a
Sprint Cup silver trophy!
On the twelfth day of Christmas, NASCAR gave to me,
Twelve ads a-running, eleven brakes a-glowing, ten pit crews
leaping, nine engines roaring, Eight cookie-cutters, seven second places, six
penalties…
Five checkered flags…
Four flat-mile races, three short tracks, two road courses and a
Sprint Cup silver trophy!
And there you have it gentle readers; the twelve days of a
NASCAR Christmas. Please let me take this opportunity to wish you and yours a
Merry and Blessed Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous New Year. For those of
you not of the Christian faith, I wish you the very best of the holidays you
celebrate at this festive year-end holiday time.
Be well gentle
readers, and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!