The Lady In Black ~ The Final Winston Cup Banquet
12/06/2013
PattyKay Lilley
Author’s note: The following is a recap of the 2003 Winston
Cup Awards Banquet, held in the Grand Ballroom of the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in
New York City. It was written, all in fun, by my alter ego, The Lady in Black.
This article originally appeared on the pages of Insider Racing News on
December 10, 2003 under its original title, "This Year, There Was Food at the Banquet."
Please enjoy...
Good day race fans.
This is your raving reporter, the Lady in Black, coming to you from the
mountains of North Georgia, where on Friday evening I, like most of you,
watched the Winston Cup Awards Banquet for the last time. Usually, as you know,
I report from the scene but this time there must have been a mix-up about my
press credentials. All I know is that they told me that they wouldn’t get me
any closer to that Grand Ballroom than the New Jersey Turnpike. It must have
been some sort of computer error, right Brian?
Well, like you, I
watched it, and as always, I took copious notes. Now I am faced with the
daunting task of trying to create something humorous from a three and a half
hour infomercial interrupted frequently by commercials and a bunch of
blue-collar guys decked out in monkey suits, trying to look comfortable. (Only
a few of them succeeded)
Right up front, allow
me to dispense with further mention of Harry Connick
Jr. and LeAnn Rimes. Both are very talented entertainers that unfortunately
have nothing whatever to do with NASCAR racing, nor did their choice of musical
presentations. Still, if we simply must be musically entertained, they were a
vast improvement over the caterwauling of last year, and I could understand the
words. On that same note, it was nice to be back in the Grand Ballroom of the
Waldorf Astoria rather than in that pretentious theater. It’s difficult to call
it a “Banquet” when there are no tables and no food. Face it, these people are
human. They eat!
If you somehow managed
to miss the first hour of the show, don’t feel bad because you’ve seen it all
before. Excepting the musical interlude, it was almost entirely a rehash of the
2003 season including videos of every win, every near win, every notable loss, every great or near great finish and of course, every car
that went on its roof, hit a wall or caught fire. That last part looked like
what we see on the six o’clock news race recap.
Between videos, we saw
Keefer Sutherland (Nope. I don’t know why either) on the podium giving us his
version of the history of NASCAR and Winston, which was followed by another
video, this time of many of the past champions telling us of their love for
R.J. Reynolds and Winston. Eventually, they got around to seating all of the
dignitaries of Roush racing and their wives at the head table, and after another
video, that one on Jack Roush, Allen [Bestwick] ceded the microphone to “Ol DW,
who presented NASCAR’s salute to Winston.
As an opening act,
Jaws was a pretty good speaker, in that he was able to be both light and
serious at the same time, while looking fairly at home in his bib and tucker.
The video he showed was pure nostalgia, giving us another look at many of the
past champions that earned the Winston Cup, including King Richard Petty, Bobby
Allison, Bill Elliott, DW himself, Cale Yarborough, Davey Allison (No, Davey
never won the Winston Cup but it was wonderful to see him anyway), Alan
Kulwicki, Junior Johnson, Ned Jarrett, Rusty Wallace and of course, Dale
Earnhardt. Of the multitude of video clips we watched, that one was far and
away the best.
Next on the podium was
Bill (Deep pockets) France, son of the NASCAR founder and father of the HMWIC
(Head man what’s in charge), Brian (No chin) France. In his opening statement,
he joked about making a return to the theater his last act as CEO before retiring,
only to have Brian undermine him and bring it back to what he called, “This
wore out old ballroom.” At least, I hope he was joking! (Note to Brian: Never
again let the camera catch you staring into space with your mouth hanging open.
That’s not your best pose)
He then introduced us
to Andy Schindler (Not the guy with the list), the Chairman and CEO of R.J.
Reynolds Tobacco Company, and presented him with a trophy bearing the name of
all 26 present and past Winston Cup Champions. Mr. Schindler gave a nice short
acceptance speech and it was finally time to start the countdown to the last
Winston Cup Champion. The list of all those that didn’t have to pay their own
way to New York follows:
Coming in at number
ten in the points was two time Champion, Texas Terry Labonte, the pride of
Corpus Christie, Texas. Terry’s one win this year was perhaps the most
significant of all, coming at the final Labor Day running of the once
prestigious Southern 500 in Darlington, SC. Of course you remember Terry, at
the end of the race eschewing the ever-popular doughnuts for taking the
checkered flag and turning a single classic victory lap. This Texas boy only
managed to look frozen in his monkey suit as he accepted a check for
$638,930.00 and proceeded to thank everyone he’s ever known, including his
lovely wife, Kim, while obviously reading from a teleprompter. Now friends,
after each presentation, our old friend Allen (Frozen hair) Bestwick did a
short interview with each recipient. Most were neither funny nor informative,
so in the interest of space and your attention span, I’ll skip over them. If
you absolutely have to know what was said, write me and I’ll fill you in.
In ninth place we find
Bill (The Awesome One) Elliott, the 1988 Winston Cup Champion and winner of the
final fall race at Rockingham. Bill accepted a check for $686,245.00, spoke
from notes rather than a prompter and appeared to be easy and relaxed, looking
perfectly at home in his tuxedo. Who’d have thunk it
of a kid from Dawsonville GA? Bill also thanked everyone he knew, and wife
Cindy in particular, then joked about needing to run Goodyear “run-flats”, with
reference to his near miss at Homestead. This true southern Gentleman then
forgot to take his trophy with him. (But he remembered to pocket the check)
In eighth place was
Bobby (The Bounty Hunter) Labonte, the 2000 Winston Cup Champion and winner of
two races this year including the one at Homestead that the Awesome One gave
away to a flat tire. Bobby appeared, not in a
traditional tuxedo, but a dark suit over a black shirt, with no tie. He
accepted a check for $758,560.00 and then proceeded to offer a very long thank
you list that culminated with his pretty wife, Donna. Bobby looked a lot more
comfortable than his big brother had, but he still read from the prompter quite
a bit.
Coming in at number
seven was Tony (Stewpot) Stewart, the 2002 Winston Cup Champion, who appeared
in a full tux and clean shaven to accept a check for $902,830.00. Tony was one
of the class acts of the evening, speaking freely and easily as he offered his
thanks to all and sundry that had helped him throughout his career. If this lad
read from a teleprompter, you couldn’t tell it. He was very sincere with his
thanks and presented quite an image of perfection. (Remember, this was the lad
that some said would not make a “good” Champion, whatever that is.)
In sixth place, it was
Flyin’ Ryan Newman, last year’s Rookie of the Year and
winner of eight (count ‘em) races in 2003. Up ‘til now, I’ve neglected to
mention that there were videos accompanying every driver when he took the
stage, (re-runs of what we saw in that long first hour) but I have to mention
that after winning eight dang races, the video they chose to show of Ryan was,
of course, his car going end over end at Daytona. Where is the justice? Ryan,
dressed in a satin trimmed tux with a full satin tie, accepted a check for a
very healthy $1,052,100.00. Although the lad with no neck appeared to be choked
by that tie, he delivered his thank you speech
without benefit of a teleprompter, kept it quite short and very personal, and
then left the stage to join his fiancée, Krissie
Boyle at their table. Another example of a class act!
In fifth place in the
points was Kevin (Kreatin’ Havoc) Harvick, winner of
the prestigious Brickyard 400, complete with a video of his entire team
including car owner Richard Childress, kissing the “Yard of Bricks.” Kevin took
home a check in the amount of $1,241,370.00 and then, despite looking
absolutely great in his tux, proceeded to read his entire list of gratitude
from the prompter, and not all that well. Still, he thanked the entire world as
he knows it, with special credit to his bride, DeLana.
Fourth place, no
surprise, went to four time Cup Champion, Jeff (Flameboy) Gordon, who appeared
on stage wearing a dark suit that wasn’t quite a tux, with a full white tie on
a white shirt. (Note to Jeff: Where is all the DuPont color?) Jeff accepted a healthy
$1,435,640.00 and proceeded quite ably through the sponsor kiss-ups and thank
you list. He made little personal speeches with each “Thank you”, the last
being to the girl friend du jour, Amanda Church, and was quite at ease in the
roll of speaker. (Note to Jeff: One has to wonder if you could talk at all if
someone tied down your hands)
Third place for the
season went to Dale (Bud Stud) Earnhardt Jr., who was also voted the most
popular driver of 2003. Obviously taking a cue from Daddy, Junior took to the
stage clad in a black suit, with a black tie over a black shirt and best of
all, clean shaven. He laid claim to a check for $1,679,910, and delivered his
comments amidst laughing and joking. His thank you list was very personal and
warm, and though he did have a prompter, he didn’t appear to need it much. Take
heart ladies, if he was accompanied by anyone, we didn’t see her. I guess he’s
still eligible.
In the runner-up
position (If for any reason the Champion is unable to perform his duties, etc. Oh
wait, that’s Miss America) it was Jimmie (Jeffy’s
Mini-me) Johnson. He was attired in a black suit, with full black tie over a
white shirt, to accept a check for $2,149,180.00. (Not bad pay for the first
loser) Jimmie appeared to be ill at ease with that prompter thing, as he was
obviously reading every word and his eyes never once left it. He thanked almost
the entire world, culminating with his girlfriend, Chandra. As a mirror image
of the boss, he also talked with his hands a lot, but wasn’t quite as at ease.
After that, we took a
trip to Cambridge, Wisconsin, hometown of Matt Kenseth, with Bill Weber. We
visited with Mom and his Grandparents along with several neighbors and were
stunned to hear that everyone loved Matt and they were very proud of him.
Unfortunately, this was the time that TNT picked to suffer from sunspots or
minimum-wage help or whatever, and announced that they were experiencing
technical difficulties. (That couldn’t have happened during the musical
interludes ~ save it for the piece on the winner) We did get to see a few
pictures of Matt the Brat as a baby and child, but missed a lot of them while
watching a frozen screen. Class act there, TNT! (Maybe next year SPEED could
handle it?)
Next up to the podium
was John (NASCAR Top Cop) Darby, looking quite spiffy in what appeared to be
more of a smoking jacket than a formal tux, with satin trim but no lapels.
John’s purpose was to present a trophy to winning crewchief,
Robbie Reiser. Now, Robbie is a great guy, but he was
just too nervous to even read the prompter, obviously preferring life in the
garage to life on stage. He haltingly managed to read his list of folks to
thank, but it was no secret that the poor guy was uncomfortable, both with his
tux and with public speaking. Shortly before he was done, we fought another
round with technical difficulties, which probably pleased Robbie no end.
Following that, we
were treated to the appearance of NASCAR President, (Mafia) Mike Helton,
replete with a full tux that made him even more resemble the “Godfather.” (With
apologies to Mario Puzo) Mike’s task of the evening
was to introduce the owner of the #17 DeWalt Ford,
Jack (Cat in the Hat) Roush, who appeared without the hat and quelled all
rumors of terminal baldness. Jack looked really good in his tux and appeared to
be quite relaxed as he very capably thanked all of the little people that had
made his dream come true. Before he was through, we finally got to see the
winning crew, seated in the balcony above the ballroom. (Never could figure out
what’s up with that. Heck they won and then they’re isolated from the party)
The thank you list wound down to Jack’s wife Pauline and ended with one more
heartfelt thank you to Larry Hicks, the marine who saved Jack from a watery
grave in 2002.
*Forty lashes to the
reporter at this point for realizing too late that she omitted one thing from
the pre-banquet show, that being the announcement of awards for the Most
Popular Driver and the Rookie of the Year, which had been given earlier. As
already noted, the MPD was Dale (Bud Stud) Earnhardt
Jr. and accepting the ROTY award was a tearful and very genuine Jamie (Jiminy McCricket) McMurray.
Finally, at long (And
I do mean l-o-n-g) last, it was time for the new and last Winston Cup Champion,
Matt (Mutt) Kenseth to take the stage along with his lovely wife Katie. Matt
was attired in a shiny black tux, with a full black tie over a white shirt and
Katie was resplendent in a strapless red evening gown. Brian France made an
on-stage appearance to present the couple with a Championship ring and
necklace, and happily figured out which one went to whom. Next, we saw a
reappearance of Andy Schindler, who presented Matt with the grand prize, a
check in the amount of $5,138,640, all the while saying nice things about Matt
and patting him on the back. Matt was relaxed and well spoken, and started his
thank you list with personal remarks to each member of his family before
relying on the prompter a bit to aid him through the long list of folks that he
considered responsible for getting him to the top of the heap, as it were.
Lastly, when Matt and
Katie had been reseated, a snow storm of confetti fell on the ballroom and it
was obviously time to party hardy! They sent Bill Weber out one last time to
say goodnight to all the little folks watching at home,
gave us one more look at the revelers in their finery and faded to black.
That’s exactly the way
it was in the Big Apple on Friday night. Would I lie to you?
~LIB
In closing, just let
me say one last farewell and a most heartfelt “Thank you” to R.J. Reynolds and
their Winston brand. It’s been one heck of a ride and we owe it all to you!
Be well gentle
readers, and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!
~
PattyKay
[email protected]